Madison

Madison Wisconsin. I enjoy living here. I still feel something is missing in my life though. I knew that I wouldn't necessarily find it just by moving, but I feel like I'm one step closer. Makayla and Lauren. Love them. every bit of them. I still have to learn how to budget money better and I think I am making progress... Only time will tell. I am trying to get another job besides working at WFM. It's really far from where I live, and i don' treally feel like it's the place for me anymore. Well, I never felt it was the place for me. to be honest, I think WFM in my life has served its purpose. I have had a seamless relocation, and I want to get out. I want to wait tables downtown Madison, but I have yet to hear any responses. Possibly because my phone is half off, being in that I need to pay the bill, but WFM is not paying the bills enough. I'm good though. I feel great. right now my friend base here in Madison is limited which is a very good thing. I know I have made alot of personal progress. One, my room is not a mess. It's been two weeks, and I can keep a clean house, which is excellent. All I have to do is keep it up. Hmm. I miss Eddie like crazy and there's nothing I can do about it except hope he misses me just as much and even still I don't know if those feelings are positive or negative. I mean a part of me wants to try and date someone here, to see if I can't actually get out of my lovely six to ten week flings and establish something more, but I don't know if I can. Not that I feel guilty, but I don't really want to. I really want to smoke, but there has been no connection for me on that front at all whatsoever. I am hoping and praying for one to come soon. I told myself I was going to quit when I got here and became established, and I am here. Am I established? I don't know. I want to be productive, if that means w/o green, then....

I am not lonely, nor do I think I am depressed, I am just... something. when I hear songs on the radio or at work, they bring back memories, and make me not sad, but not happy either. I feel good about where the overall direction of things in my life thus far are heading, I just need to make a little more money. I will begin my immersion Spanish classes in january. I'm really excited about that, because if I want to travel for the second half of '08 then I need to be conversational.

Ok. I need to go back to work.