http://ChristopherIsAStupidDorkAsshole.com

Gather 'round kids. Peep this shit. Meg and I get to the Landmark Century theater, and we expect to see all of our volunteers in their beauty and splendor. We see. No one. Nada. That's not cool. We decided to just calm down for a bit. Calm and collected, we found some volunteers -thank heavens, or everyone would have shoot their load, and not in the good way- yeah so that was totally cool. Happened to be three volunteers that I didn't' know. All boys. Not sure if they are all batting for the right team, but of course Meg and I had to find out. Devon. Obvious. When someone hits on you three times in the course of 4 and a half minutes, that's a sign. Not cool. He's about as gay as Emmett, -had to get a QAF reference, man I really miss that show. I need to start watching it again. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REMEMBERED? DAVE EGGERS WAS IN TOWN TODAY! WTF!?!? I TOTALLY MISSED IT! DAMN FESTIVAL. KNOW WHAT ELSE? MICHAEL MOORE IS GOING TO BE SIGNING HIS NEW BOOK TOMORROW! I WORK NEXT DOOR TO THE PLACE HE'S GOING TO BE AT!- but anyways. Back to Emmett.. er Devon. He's cool not to shabby on the looks, but me and him.. no click-ies. He's from out of town, and wanted some action. Not to say I don't want any, but not from him.

I was just thinking. Jeff Smith still hasn't emailed me. Maybe I should give him a call or something. I thought he would call to check up on me. I don't know why that popped up, but hey, it sure did.

So then there's Andrew, whose a friend of GRANT (who will very soon be the point of this post). No not Adams. This is not about Grant Adams. - Aww I didn't get to say goodbye to him when he was in town! I should call him too.- Yes, so Andrew was wearing a pink shirt and brown pants. And he had pink highlights in his hair. I was for sure wondering. He's a cool boy. We need to work on that style. But yeah. Grant. Grant is a 20 year old film major at Columbia College Chicago. He's about 5'8ish, brown hair, amazing eyes, perfect smile, and uber nice to the mac. I mean max. No computer here. We got to talking, and I got to crushing, and Meg agreed we were totally making eyes, and she suggested that I give my number to him. PROBLEM: after their shift, they went to see a movie. I didn't go. Dilemma here. How to give your number to a guy who is sitting next to his friend in a middle of a movie. SOLUTION #1. Walk up there and give it to him. As a very popular slogan says "just do it". I'm not that kind of guy. It's got to be more complicated than that. Things can't be that easy. SOLUTION #2. Wait until their movie ends. Couldn't do that, for Meg wanted to leave, and she was my ride home. I'd rather have a free 10 minute ride than a 30 minute one for $1.50. SOLUTION #3. Write notes to BOTH boys, and then give it to them, as you thank them for volunteering. Sounds like a GREAT idea huh? Of course, this is the one I went for.

Oh boy. next task: Writing the actual notes. Knowing that the other is going to read the note, I wanted to make them fairly generic, yet different. (of course one with the number and contact information, and one without). Let's just say I didn't really succeed. Grant's note contained, "Let's hang out sometime, and every single way to contact me: My home phone, cell phone, roommate's numbers, Meg's numbers, my address, my screen name, email address, mom's phone number, and for the hell of it, my best friend's number. On Andrew's, it said thanks for volunteering! If you want to volunteer more, call Meg at 555-1212. basically, that's it. I didn't succeed in it either. I'm almost positive I gave the wrong note to the wrong guy.

On the way out, Meg got a phone call, and I'm trying to get her out of the door, because I wanted to be out of the theater by the time their movie got out.

That didn't work.

Going down the escalator, I look up, and guess who I see. Not God, no. The previously mentioned boys. I wave, and became bareassed. with out the 'em'. Bare Assed. Shit. I didn't want to show my face anywhere.

So now, I'm going to dread this until the day I die, because of the three (well now four) guys I've given my number to, One has called me back. Phil. Yeah. Let's leave it at that.

Goodnight.