Sad Times...

Okay. My site is back. Last week I had a freak out session, and was thisclose to deleting it. Now only those of you who already know the site will be able to read it. Long story. Oh yes, and I may start using pseudonyms. That's for protection of Smelly.

Well, let's start with today. Ben left today for the Coast Guard. I don't know what more to say. Ben was the very first person I met when I moved to Chicago. Sure, we've had our ups and downs, but more ups than downs. I love him so much. I owe him everything that I have here in Chicago. I mean wow. I don't know when I'll see him again. I mean damn. I've been pretty sad today. I was supposed to turn my phone back on today. I didn't feel the urge. I don't really want to talk to anyone today. Right now I feel really alone, although I know I'm not. I'm entitled to feel like that though. I mean my best friends are in NC, and the ones I have here, I feel like I'm drifting away from.

Scott: I should say Scott and Eddie, since Eddie's been back, they have been unseperable. I mean I know they are a couple, but if I am ever in a relationship where I can't exist without my counterpart, something isn't right. One more reason to be single.

Eddie: See Scott. I haven't even gotten the chance to hang out with him one on one.

Smelly: Love to death, but sometimes I feel there are things I can't tell

Rohan: Things between him and I are interesting. We're both different people than we used to be. I love him to death, don't get me wrong, but we don't click like we used to.

Zaidy: Ever since she started dating Justin, she's become estranged. She's happy though, so I won't knock that. She needs to be happy. She deserves it. Justin is a great guy.

Sarah: She's very understanding, but I know there are things I can't tell her, because her and the girls are really close, and things will get out to certain people (my roomates) that I don't want them knowing.

Danielle: With Godspell, her Dance group, and school, she's a very busy lady. Not to mention tired.

Kisha: Same with Danielle, and Kisha has a job on top of that.

Laura: She's souper bogged down with School, and she's been really sick. Not to mention stressed. And she's in Evanston.

Olivia: See Laura, minus the sickness, and add a job. And Evanston.

Those are all of my best friends here, and I just feel like I can't tell anyone anything. Ben's life is the only person who is as fucked up as mine, and he knows how to tell it like it is. I LOVE that about Ben. He will always tell you the truth abot anything. I have NO one who will do that for me. You know, be as blunt as possible. No sugar coating. I know Ben is honest, and upfront, and I just feel like a bug chunk of my life here in Chicago has been cut out.

That's it.

Oh yes, for an update in the 'dating' scene. It's been a crazy ride. Okay.

So we all know Jared. I've seen him the last two days in a row. I went to a 'gathering' with him last night, and had fun, but realized that he's a very eccentric person, and that he's cheated in every relationship he's been in. Not saying I want a relationship with him, but it makes me think. He's super nice, and he's gorgeous, and he's got a charisma about him that everyone has to like, but still there's something I can't put my hand on.

Then there's Kevin. yes, the one whose name I got wrong, and called him Devon. Well, as he's a really cool guy, and he'll fit in with my group of friends, I did make a mistake. I introduced him to my friends before I got to know him. I mean, he met my friends before I decided if I liked him. Saturday night, I took everyone out to dinner (well I didn't pay for EVERYONE, but still), and kevin was at work across the street. I told him to give me a call, and he could join up with us for our post dinner festivities. He called, and brought 2 friends. Granted we were all a little toasted, Saturday night sealed the deal. Whenever I introduce guys to my friends, they always end up liking my friends, thus, only becoming friends with me. That's fine, but it sucks sometimes. At least my circle of friends grows.

Phil.. he's my text message buddy. Wish it were more, but our lives just don't have the room or time to coincide with each other.

That's that for now.