Tuesday

It's Tuesday.

I had a fairly good day today. I met Jean Pierre Jeunet tonight. Went to a screening of 'A Very Long Engagement'. It was awesome. I loved it. Makes me want to be in love. Then I laugh. I was thinking. Maybe I'm just not supposed to be in a relationship. I don't think about people like that. I have awesome relationships with my friends, but I just can't see myself opening up to someone like that. Hell, I barely even open up to myself.

I need to clip my toenails.

I also need to invest in a copy of Quickbooks, so I can find out where my money goes. It's pathetic that I only have $8.22 in the bank, and it's been like that for some time now. At least I know I can live without spending money. Coffee is the key. I know, it's like the most unhealthy thing in the world, but it picks you up, and curbs the appetite. It's crazy, how you can be really hungry, and a cup of coffee can make you feel like the fullest man in the world. Sometimes, I think I'm addicted. Thank God for free Starbucks. I couldn't live without them.

I was asked to work an overnight shift Thursday night. I have nothing else to do, so I said okay. It gets me better 'in' with the new visuals manager anyways, since that's where I'm looking to go, after I "train my replacement" for the job I'm doing now. I train so many people now. How does he expect me to pick one person to "replace" me. When I do, he's going to say that he/she would not suit the position, and move them up right on past me. Sometimes, I wonder what goes through his head. He's a cool guy though.

Helena and I have started a screenplay. It's actually forming really well, but I think I'm already ready to take it my own way. Somtimes, I don't think this is going to work, because, she wants to make this movie, and I want to sell it. She's totally against it. I'm totally for it, because there's no way we have the budget to make what we're writing, and neither of us want to cut it. I feel I'm going to be doing most of the writing, and being the realist. Well, at least with money.

AHH! I don't have any money! Eddie's birthday is coming up, and I have nothing to buy him. I have so many bills to pay. I need to get paid more. I need to talk to Sophia, because I think she should pay me at Cinema/Chicago. We'll see. I mean I totally got paid during the festival, and mucho. Then I went home and spent it all. Haha. I shouldn't be laughing, becaues I really couldn't afford that trip, but I had to. I needed to get away. I'm glad I did.

What else is going on in my life? My first sex column is officially out. That's aweosme. What else. I have re-evualuated the relationships with my friends, and prioritized. I am going to put the ones who try to make contact first. I should not have to go out of my way to talk to someone. When a relationship fizzles, it is not my job to put it back together. I know, that sounds crappy, but I've spent the last two years trying to do that, and I leave one person out. ME. I'm so worried about them, and other people, and fail to realize that I'm falling apart. Well not falling apart, but I could be doing much better than I am. Oh, the time, money and energy spent on drama, and stupid shit. That's okay. No more.

I'm excited to see how the next few months are going to turn out. We'll see. This and next are going to be the hardest, but when 2005 comes around. I'm a new man. Well I'm one now, but I'll be like out of money problems by the end of the year. Well at least the big ones.

So I'm happy, but it's a small happiness that I'm going somewhere, not an external one, because sometimes I feel like it's not going to be over. Look at the big picture. That's what I have to keep telling myself. don't give up.

yaay!

What else. Oh. Jimmy's a fucker. Hasn't tried to keep up with me, but that's okay. Another knot in the sheet. Even though we never did anything but make out (and I thought that was a good sign).

Well, I'm peacing out.