Testing 1, 2, 3...

Sorry for the lack of updates. Not that I've been busy, I just haven't felt the dire need to update. That need has come, as it should everyday. Anyways. back to the title of this post:

I have decided to put my friends through a mini-test type deal. It seems to me that when I want to see my friends, I'm the one to call them. I have realized that in the past couple of weeks, maybe even months, I have been the one to call them to get things together, or even to hang out after work, get a cup of coffee, etc. Why is that? 99% of the time, I am the one making the call. I have decided I am going to cease calling, until they call me. It's nothing against them at all, but it's for my own personal good. I love my friends to death, and I'm almost positive that they'll call, but maybe they want a break? I don't know. I think too much into things.

I'm also going to put myself through another test. So last night, Grant and I had a most wonderful discussion on why we each don't have boyfriends. It's because we as gay men who believe we deserve nothing but the best, only want the best. We look at all of these beautiful people, and unless we're not with one, we see ourselves as not pretty. It's like we are judged by the way our boyfriend looks, and that's HORRIBLE. We both asked ourselves the same question:

WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?

There have been, and yes I will admit, plenty of guys that could have been potential boyfriends, but for some reason, I ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS find something wrong with them. That something wrong is usually something extremely insignificant, it's scary. So, I have decided that until I change my views on relationships, that I definatley should refrain from a boyfriend. Besides, my life is too damn busy now to even think about a boyfriend, yet I want one so bad. This is another issue we talked about last night.

Why is it that we think our whole lives will be better if we are in a relationship?

That's bullshit! I don't need someone to make me happy, I make myself happy damnit. Hell, if I need to be happy by being in a relationship, something is wrong. who is going to be there after that boy is gone? and the next? ME.

I need to stop waiting for my life to start, and live it.


comments are greatly appreciated :)