This is me.

The ramblings. Take them to heart.

Friday, October 31, 2003

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore--
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
" 'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door--
Only this and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow;--vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow--sorrow for the lost Lenore--
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore--
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me--filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
"'Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door--
Some late visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door;
This it is and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"--here I opened wide the door--
Darkness there and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!"--
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my sour within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping something louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see, then, what thereat is and this mystery explore--
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;--
'Tis the wind and nothing more.

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he,
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door--
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door--
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then the ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore--
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning--little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door--
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the Raven, sitting lonely on that placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if its soul in that one word he did outpour
Nothing farther then he uttered; not a feather then he fluttered--
Till I scarcely more than muttered: "Other friends have flown before--
On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore--
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of 'Never--nevermore.'"

But the Raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore--
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee--by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite--respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!--prophet still, if bird or devil!--
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate, yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted--
On this home by Horror haunted--tell me truly, I implore--
Is there--is there balm in Gilead?--tell me--tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!--prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us--by that God we both adore--
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore--
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Be that our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting--
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul has spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!--quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadows on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted--nevermore!

Thursday, October 30, 2003

I should drink more water to prevent dehydration.

tomorrow is Halloween. golly gee. I remember last halloweeny. with emily. It was quite the fun times.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Think of it this way:  he's probably thinking, oh my god, he's so young!  I hope he's interested in me!  I hope I can keep up with him! (He can't.)

Go out with him.  If you have a good time, you have a good time.  Michael Douglas is OLDER than Catherine Zeta Jones's dad.  So there.

The age thing should be a turn-on. (I think.)  He could teach you a thing or two.  (And you can call him Mr. Robinson.  Coo coo ca-choo.)

Go out for a nice dinner (he'll pay), have a drink, relax, ... flirt ...  and be sure to tell him about all the celebrities you met.


Thanks E.

Thank you New City Bank.

They took a chance on me, after the whole Bank of America shit.

My house is clean.
That makes me smile.

My phone is on.
That makes me smile even harder.

I am about to go to sleep, after I finish getting my laundry and folding it. Then I shall sleep.

Friendster is officially the devil.

I FOUND MY WALLET!

I bought some soap today. It's a new kind. It smells like coconut and something. It makes me incredibly happy, knowing that Ise be 'mellin' so so goooooood.

Amen to dat.

I'm going to take a shower, and then go to take my clothes out, then to sleep.

I've got things to do tomorrow. That's important. Work too.

Monday, October 27, 2003

whatever.

time to check my email

This is prolly a little of me too, but people don't hate me

Carefree Hip Styled
You enjoy life. You know what fun is and people
admire you for your natural flare. People
either love you or hate you but you know what
you want, and you couldn't care less. You're
the Carefree Hip Styled type of Gay Guy.


What type of gay guy are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


well shit, I wish I was this one.. but this is probablly the guy I'd date..

Modern Technology
New age and technology. All the things cool and
sheek just comes natural to you. You know
what's happening in Japan bring a professional
SNAG type of image to the world. You're the
Modern Technology type of Gay Guy.


What type of gay guy are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Stylish Jazz
Swinging and smooth. You know what's in style and
you're tastes are just perfect. You know what
is worth spending and you like to live the high
life. You're classy and smooth talking. You're
the Stylish Jazz type of Gay Guy.


What type of gay guy are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

And I didn't even re-take it. First time's a charm

Sunday, October 26, 2003

I jsut got off the phone with Mr. Gelb.

I can't believe I have a HUGE ass crush on a straight guy.

I was on the phone for over an hour.

Shit.

Yeah, so this guy Mark, is hitting on me in the Apple store. He's a customer. He's cute, but old.

Last night, I decided I'm not going to be gay anymore.

Too bad it's not a decision.

I'm about to go watch Matrix Reloaded with Sarah for the first time.

Cool fun times.

Friday, October 24, 2003

Alllright. It's like this.

I don't know what it's like, I just said that.

Hahah

Issues.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

I GET PAID TOMORROW!

I need to to into the office. I have shit to finish.

I'll get it done in to time though. So we hope and pray.

There's a Volunteer meeting tonight. I should call Grant and make sure he'll be there. If not, I should call him and ask him out on a date. I've never done that before. Maybe I should just let things be, since we don't know which way things go. I'll call Olivia see what she says.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

I am officially producing Ben's movie. It's awesome. Tim (you know a producing teacher at my school)had two movies for me to produce too. That's crazy.

I'll learn slowly, but surely.

Real World went okay. I liked it. I still have 10 more auditions before I can't go anymore. Hey. I'll make it by then.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

I'm on my way to the Real World casting call. It's like 5:39. I mey be a little late, but hey. I'll be there. I have an odd feeling that this just may be my season. I'll think that until I turn 24 anyways, but still. Never know.

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Last night was sucky. At least I got some sleep. Ya know what I'm sayin'?

FRIDAY NIGHT WAS AWESOME. DEAD AWESOME. INCREDIBLE.

KILL BILL. If you don't see it, you're missing out on the greatest movie of our time. This movie will change the way movies are fucking created. It's AMAZING. Q. T. Surpasses everyone in the film industry with this movie. It's AMAZING. You have NO Clue.

I'm at Apple now. Answering phones. Everyone gets the phone shifts now. I didn't think I would, but I came in today, and there it was, on the board. Christopher. Phones. 11-3. It's awesome, because I don't have to do a thing. I get to chill out, watch movie trailers, and do whatever. I have to go to lunch now.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Why Have Cotton When You Can Have Christopher?
Christopher. It's Everywhere You Wanna Be.
Wait Till We Get Our Christopher On You.

Damn, I love that site.

Bad News
~So I was supposed to be at internship over two hours ago, but I am still waiting on a call from a certain guy we like to call My Father.

~He was supposed to call me this morning, but he didn't I had to call him. Not kosher.

~I can't leave until I have money, because I have to use it to get stuff.

~Meg is probably freaking out. We have to plan a staff party today, and it's CLOSING NIGHT OF THE FESTIVAL! I called her though.

What the freak.

Good News

~One of my volunteers gave me a gift certificate for $165 to this place. She said that I hope I enjoy my new gift. It makes no sense why she gave me this. One day we were talking about Rolelr Blades, and the next day, I get ao gift certificate to get some new ones? Wierd.

~I get to stay on as in intern (possibly paid) for the Film Festival. Sophia told me so last night.

~Not bothering myself with guys (for today)

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

topherlayne@mac.com

email it now.
everyone needs a .mac account.
see me for details.

again, the address is

topherlayne@mac.com

Four times to the bathroom in one hour. That's not cool.

Christopher's got the RUNS!

make that 5.

http://ChristopherIsAStupidDorkAsshole.com

Gather 'round kids. Peep this shit. Meg and I get to the Landmark Century theater, and we expect to see all of our volunteers in their beauty and splendor. We see. No one. Nada. That's not cool. We decided to just calm down for a bit. Calm and collected, we found some volunteers -thank heavens, or everyone would have shoot their load, and not in the good way- yeah so that was totally cool. Happened to be three volunteers that I didn't' know. All boys. Not sure if they are all batting for the right team, but of course Meg and I had to find out. Devon. Obvious. When someone hits on you three times in the course of 4 and a half minutes, that's a sign. Not cool. He's about as gay as Emmett, -had to get a QAF reference, man I really miss that show. I need to start watching it again. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REMEMBERED? DAVE EGGERS WAS IN TOWN TODAY! WTF!?!? I TOTALLY MISSED IT! DAMN FESTIVAL. KNOW WHAT ELSE? MICHAEL MOORE IS GOING TO BE SIGNING HIS NEW BOOK TOMORROW! I WORK NEXT DOOR TO THE PLACE HE'S GOING TO BE AT!- but anyways. Back to Emmett.. er Devon. He's cool not to shabby on the looks, but me and him.. no click-ies. He's from out of town, and wanted some action. Not to say I don't want any, but not from him.

I was just thinking. Jeff Smith still hasn't emailed me. Maybe I should give him a call or something. I thought he would call to check up on me. I don't know why that popped up, but hey, it sure did.

So then there's Andrew, whose a friend of GRANT (who will very soon be the point of this post). No not Adams. This is not about Grant Adams. - Aww I didn't get to say goodbye to him when he was in town! I should call him too.- Yes, so Andrew was wearing a pink shirt and brown pants. And he had pink highlights in his hair. I was for sure wondering. He's a cool boy. We need to work on that style. But yeah. Grant. Grant is a 20 year old film major at Columbia College Chicago. He's about 5'8ish, brown hair, amazing eyes, perfect smile, and uber nice to the mac. I mean max. No computer here. We got to talking, and I got to crushing, and Meg agreed we were totally making eyes, and she suggested that I give my number to him. PROBLEM: after their shift, they went to see a movie. I didn't go. Dilemma here. How to give your number to a guy who is sitting next to his friend in a middle of a movie. SOLUTION #1. Walk up there and give it to him. As a very popular slogan says "just do it". I'm not that kind of guy. It's got to be more complicated than that. Things can't be that easy. SOLUTION #2. Wait until their movie ends. Couldn't do that, for Meg wanted to leave, and she was my ride home. I'd rather have a free 10 minute ride than a 30 minute one for $1.50. SOLUTION #3. Write notes to BOTH boys, and then give it to them, as you thank them for volunteering. Sounds like a GREAT idea huh? Of course, this is the one I went for.

Oh boy. next task: Writing the actual notes. Knowing that the other is going to read the note, I wanted to make them fairly generic, yet different. (of course one with the number and contact information, and one without). Let's just say I didn't really succeed. Grant's note contained, "Let's hang out sometime, and every single way to contact me: My home phone, cell phone, roommate's numbers, Meg's numbers, my address, my screen name, email address, mom's phone number, and for the hell of it, my best friend's number. On Andrew's, it said thanks for volunteering! If you want to volunteer more, call Meg at 555-1212. basically, that's it. I didn't succeed in it either. I'm almost positive I gave the wrong note to the wrong guy.

On the way out, Meg got a phone call, and I'm trying to get her out of the door, because I wanted to be out of the theater by the time their movie got out.

That didn't work.

Going down the escalator, I look up, and guess who I see. Not God, no. The previously mentioned boys. I wave, and became bareassed. with out the 'em'. Bare Assed. Shit. I didn't want to show my face anywhere.

So now, I'm going to dread this until the day I die, because of the three (well now four) guys I've given my number to, One has called me back. Phil. Yeah. Let's leave it at that.

Goodnight.

Sunday, October 12, 2003

So yeah. Wow. I'm on break at Apple. i love this job. Hell, at 9.75 an hour, who wouldn't love it? wowsers to the max. I appreciate this spell check thing on blogger now. i really don't have much to say, other than that I am terribly busy. At times i feel like I really want some action, other times, I just want a boyfriend, and then there's the rest of the time where i love being single, because it's just awesome. I only have to care about me. Ya know? Well what i do know is that if I were dating someone during this festival, we would not be spending much time together. Crazy beans.

Maya sent me that survey. haha. She is OB TRICE.

I need to get my phone shit and money together.

I have made a TON of connections at school. Teachers. i'm going to get through school in a flash. I'm so excited.

Everyone at Apple is older than me. I feel old. mature. Yeah.

I'm cold too.

Saturday, October 11, 2003

I am leaving one destination to arrive at another right now.

I am so HONGRY

Times 3000

I am sooo

TIRED.

Never smoke the night before you have to be somewhere at 10AM

I am going to stop smoking.

I've had my fun.

Sorry Mary, I can't have yu anymore

Thursday, October 09, 2003

oh yes.

Triplets of Belleview.

See it.

FUCKING AWESOME.

SHIT.

SEE IT NOW.

on a side note, I think I am going blind. seriously. I can't see like I used to. I can't afford an eye doctor. Just let me sleep damnit.

G'night.

list of things I want/need/must pay

Rent:400 a month
bills
school
COMPUTER
computer for Crystal
computer for Christian and Cameron
IKEA stuff
Clothes
Shoes
Bike
CTA

I need to prioritize. What's more important?

I won't be coming home for Thanksgiving for sure. Christmas isn't looking too bright either, but I think it'll be an experience. My first Christmas away from my family. That's a big deal for me. a REALLY big deal. We'll see how things pan out. Fun times for all. Wowsers.

Monday, October 06, 2003

Film Festival
awesome

Apple
Crazy

Both awesome

Sleep
None.


"Emotionally attracted to girls, physically attracted to guys." Well put Mr. H. H.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

by the way, I'm allergic to my soap. I should go back to Ivory.

I've been itching like no ones' mess

Today is opening day!

HOORAY!

so much to do, and I shouldn't even be thinking about posting, but I want to document as much as I can

I just found my in into the Producing school at Columbia.

Don Smith.

I meet him next week.