My Luck

This has been the craziest night, and although on a regular night, I would be pissed as all hell at myself, I am not. Rohan is so mad at me right now. I mean on an ordinary night, I would be really sad that he is mad at me, but this tests our friendship. Anyways, I should tell about my night and we will get back to this in a bit.

OKay. So we don't even know about Didier. Wow. Boy do we have alot to catch up on! Okay. Didier. He came into the store a coupld of weeks ago, and it was fun times, I thought he was totally hot, of course, and helped him out with his selections. Well, he came back the next day. You know usually when someone comes back the next day, it's usually because they "forgot" something. I know I do it. Anyways, he comes back the next day, and we started talking. You know, school, and such. Well, turns out we have common ground in the fact we go to the same schule. He's the director of Manifest this year. It's this big huge celebration that our school puts on every year. He's a DJ. Hot. Everything about him. He's a great guy.

ANYWAYS...

So we've been exchanging emails. We were supposed to meet up a couple of times, but things got in the way. Tonight was the night we finally met, and guess what Christopher finds out? Our friend Didier is totally and utterly 100% straight.

That's right. 100% straight.

More on that story later. Well, tonight we spent about 4 hours together, and it was a great time. He's a really great guy, and not just because I think he's hot. I promise. His personality, and his views, and just everything. Wow. it's quite craziness.

Met up with friends to get a little inebrated for the Royal.

Then. The Royal.

I had a blast. He actually played good music tonight. There was a cute boy.
whom I thought was absoultley hot, like from top to bottom...but no one else thought he was.. you know, he was one of those guys, like he was so cute.. the diamond that only I noticed... and the way he dressed... his smile... his hat... and he was such a cute dancer... like wow...

well..back to the evening..

I tried to dance with him all night. I should have been more aggressive, but I couldn't. I did graze his hindparts a couple of times, and we did make contact
like we danced, but kinda in the same extended group so he and his friends began to leave and I was getting sad, so I rounded up my friends to dance the last song. When I left he was in a car with his friend and I just blatantly walked up to the car. He rolled down his window. I didn't know what to say, but I needed to say soemthing:

" I never do this, but I just wanted to tell you that I think you are really cute"

"thanks! I think you're cute too!"

"Thanks," I replied

Then thier light turned green, and they had to go.

Then I came home, where I am locked out. My phone is out of batteries, and so I can't call my roomates. Damn. So I"m here in the business cener typing this. I am about to go try to do something. LAter.

Thursday

Hey hey hey!

Long time no post, I know. I've been busy working. That's about it too. I am a little but perterbed, because I settled my little miscommunication with my cell phone company (haha) and I get a call from them today telling me my bill is $500. That's just funny, because that's more than my rent. Fuck that. I wish I would pay $500 for a cell phone bill. They left me a message (I was at work), and gave me number to call. Now it's funny, that the first time I answered, they hung up. The second time too. But the third time they called, I had just clocked in, so I couldn't answer my phone, and they leave me a message, telling me I need to call them. I'm on break, and I call them. Turns out it's an automated service. Fuck that. They don't want you to talk to anyone. They want you to just pay the bill, no questions. First of all, I am not going to pay a bill that I never got. Second, there is no reason in the world my bill should ever be that high. Third. Hell no. So, I call. Wait for a fucking guy to answer the phone, and he tells me that if I have any problems, that he can't fix them, and I need to go into a retail store. Fuck that.

I love my cell phone company for the most part, but hell no I am not having this.

Sad case

I know, it's 10AM, and I can't stop watching Dawson's. I've seen ever single episode, but now, I'm in the laundry room, and I'm watching Dawson's. This is sad, because my laundry is done and folded. The computer lab has moved to the laundry room while they rennovate the business center, and so that makes it all the more convienent to type this entry while watching Dawson's. This is the Christmas episode where Dawson brings home the ugly girl, Audrey runs into Pacey's house, and Joey's dad doesn't like her boyfriend.

I know, sad.

But I have a (semi)date tonight.

It seems I have alot of those. This one is going to be interesting, as I'm not sure if he's a player for the team.

Update

Hey. Sorry I haven't been updating.

I only have 20 minutes to get this all out, so I'm going to go quickly.

First things first, I'm well, this has been a long week, but I have tomorrow off, so I'll rest up then. No partying this weekend :)

I got trashed on Tuesday, because it was Ben's last night here. He's back in Cleaveland. Thank the Lord. That's one things less that I have to worry about. He's gone and out of my life. I mean it sucks, because he was one of my best friends, but I just couldn't afford to support him anymore. Huge weight off of my chest. I feel like I can begin to get my shit together now.

I got accepted into the Screenwriters Group, an intense writing program for upcoming screenwriters. It's a direct feed-in into MGM, and other select production houses, and they only accept 10 people into their program at a time. It's a two year program, where you finish three screenplays. I'm trying to get Cinema/Chicago to sponsor me, for I don't have the money to do the program just yet. It is very exciting, and I can't wait to start. This could be my break.

I'm still at the lovely retail store (I won't say the name, because there was a guy from Microsoft who jusut got sued for writing about them in his blog, so no more mention of the name). I love it, and it's awesome. I am trying to get as many hours as I can, for summer is coming up, and I want to pay for Screenwriters Group. I have cut down my spending already. I'm trying to get promoted. A pay raise comes with a promotion.

I'm moving out of my current apartment May 2. I'm really excited, for my new apartment kicks ass. At almost 1000 sq. ft, I have my own bedroom (which I have never had before) and kick ass roomates. Being kind of away from where I used to live, will afford me more time to stay at home and get more work done. I'm still only a 15 minute bus ride from work, or a 25 minute rollerblade. That's going to be awesome for the summer. May and June are going to be the hardest months, because I'lll be paying rent on both fronts. (My lease for my current apt. doesn't end until July 1)

My internship kicks major assets. I love everything about it. Trying to get new computers for the office. I hope to get paid soon. There have been talks about it, but no check. Not yet. I will be satisfied if they could help me get a computer or help with the Screenwriting Program.

I have been getting tons of sleep lately. That's a very good thing.

No boys, I don't want one. I've decided. I mean if one comes along, then hey.

I want to take a vacation, but I have two things that have to be taken care of first. Getting a computer, and paying for screenwriters group. My vacation will be well worth it.

I'm thinking I'll have a computer by June. I don't spend my money on anything else (besides movies, and Big Fish comes out on Tuesday) anymore, and my intake on alcohol has drastically declined. I can't drink and work. I don't perform as well. Duh. Anyone can tell you that. I had to learn it on my own though. Some things you just don't get until you actually do it. Also my 'herbal relaxation' has drastically declined too. I haven't bought an eighth in a long time. I have saved so much money, because I used to calculate in my paychecks, how much I would spend on it. I haven't spent a dime.

I saw 'Something's Gotta Give' last night. I loved it. with a capital L

That's about it for now. I gotta go to work. Tomorrow is my first day off in forever. I have worked every day for tha last week and a half. My paycheck is going to be nice though.

I miss everyone like Hell, and wish I could come back all summer, but I can't. Well not for the whole summer. I'm seeing what I can do.

Hey! There's a party in your mouth, and I'm cumming!!!

I'm such a geek.

I know, I know. I get chills whenever I see the new Harry Potter trailers. I love it. I don't know why. I can't wait for this movie. I seriously bet it'll be in my top 10 list. It is every year. I love it. I wish I was Harry Potter.

watch the trailer. You'll understand.

I nominate Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban for best picture of 2004.

Testing 1, 2, 3...

Sorry for the lack of updates. Not that I've been busy, I just haven't felt the dire need to update. That need has come, as it should everyday. Anyways. back to the title of this post:

I have decided to put my friends through a mini-test type deal. It seems to me that when I want to see my friends, I'm the one to call them. I have realized that in the past couple of weeks, maybe even months, I have been the one to call them to get things together, or even to hang out after work, get a cup of coffee, etc. Why is that? 99% of the time, I am the one making the call. I have decided I am going to cease calling, until they call me. It's nothing against them at all, but it's for my own personal good. I love my friends to death, and I'm almost positive that they'll call, but maybe they want a break? I don't know. I think too much into things.

I'm also going to put myself through another test. So last night, Grant and I had a most wonderful discussion on why we each don't have boyfriends. It's because we as gay men who believe we deserve nothing but the best, only want the best. We look at all of these beautiful people, and unless we're not with one, we see ourselves as not pretty. It's like we are judged by the way our boyfriend looks, and that's HORRIBLE. We both asked ourselves the same question:

WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?

There have been, and yes I will admit, plenty of guys that could have been potential boyfriends, but for some reason, I ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS find something wrong with them. That something wrong is usually something extremely insignificant, it's scary. So, I have decided that until I change my views on relationships, that I definatley should refrain from a boyfriend. Besides, my life is too damn busy now to even think about a boyfriend, yet I want one so bad. This is another issue we talked about last night.

Why is it that we think our whole lives will be better if we are in a relationship?

That's bullshit! I don't need someone to make me happy, I make myself happy damnit. Hell, if I need to be happy by being in a relationship, something is wrong. who is going to be there after that boy is gone? and the next? ME.

I need to stop waiting for my life to start, and live it.


comments are greatly appreciated :)

I love my internship

I love my internship. It's so funny watching all of these people come in for interviews to be interns. They are so scared, and all of them just want something. It's so cute. I'm sure I was the same way. I told her to give me work, and I'd do it. These others, are just saying whatever they think she wants to hear. Sophia doesn't take shit. That's one thing I have to commend her for. She does her job damn well. She is not supposed to be pretty and personable. She's suppoed to scare you. She manages this festival with an iron fist. I'm glad I'm on her good side.

For example:

Sophia: "So James, do you like to write"
James: I love to write, I've been published, I used to write for my high school newsletter
S: We do have some writing internships open, you know, for writing about the films
J: Well, you know, one of the things I have always wanted to do was to be a film critic, and write about movies.
S: This is not critiquing anything, it's just writing summaries of the films to go in our program book. You don't put your point of view in anything.
J: That sounds great
S: Our writing staff and interns usually start in August and continue through September.
J: So we would watch the films over the sumemr, and write about them later?
S: No. You would be an intern for 2 months. August and September. That's where I see you. in the writing department. I'll contact you when it becomes closer to that time if you are still interested. Thank you. Here's a program book of our last year's festival, so you can take a look and see what happend.

Another example (this is someone she liked)

S: Hello! How are you? Come sit in here. I see from your resume and letter that you are quite experienced.... blah blah How long have you lived in CHicago? (see, she asks personal questions, like she did for me)

more conversation...

you can tell in an interview who is going to get a job. Well at Cinema/Chicago you surely can.

Solsbury Hill

Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night

He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
I had to listen had no choice

I did not believe the information
Just had to trust imagination
My heart was going boom boom, boom
"Son," he said, "Grab your things, I've come to take you home."

To keeping silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut

So I went from day to day
Tho' my life was in a rut
'Till I thought of what I'd say
Which connection I should cut

I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart was going boom boom boom
"Hey," he said, "grab your things, I've come to take you home."
Yeah back home

When illusion spin her net
I'm never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free

Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes, but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me

Today I don't need a replacement
I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart was going boom boom boom
"Hey," I said, "You can keep my things, they've come to take me home."

Instructions

grab the book nearest to you
1.open to page 23
2.find the fifth sentence
3.post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

When you swim in the ocean, you're shark food in a swimsuit.

All's well that ends well!

To sum it all up, Christopher had a wonderful day today. It was beautiful outside, He went to his internship, had a great time, sent some emails while there, saw Denise Hicks, one of the greatest volunteers Cinema/Chicago has seen, and saw two movies for free. He got to hang out with Scott Show all night, and it was just grand. Although his other friends didn't show up, everything turned out great.

Smiles all around!

Phooey

Hong kong Phooey.

It seems I'm the only one of my friends without a life. My friends, who wanted to see this movie in the first place have all seemed to ditch me for other things. Not that I care, but dang. It's like I now was looking forward to the movie, to spend time with my friends, and now I am going home to sleep, knowing my friends are all out doing better things than I.

Wednesday

I have decided.. to follow Jesus

that song's been in my head all week. Maybe it's a sign. I do love Jesus, no doubt about it. I'm going to church on Easter, something I haven't done in a while. A LONg while. It's time.

What else? Sometimes, I get sick and tired of my friends. Especially when they come see me at my internship, just to talk, or use my phone, or get something to eat. That's not how things go. It's not the place for that. Their faces are not supposed to be synonomous with mine. Well not yet at least. I'm still trying to get my foot in the door. Especially when they come in with Rollerblades. This is an office building, danmit. You take off your skates before entering. That's worse than eating food in the grocery store before you've bought it. You just don't do it. I didn't mean it when I said friends, it's only one friend. So I'm tired of my friend. More on that later. If I get to it.

I'm supposed to see that Jennifer Garner movie tonight. I don't really want to go, but my friends do, and they are my friends, and I'm the one with the free tickets.

Easter is right around the corner. What are you doing?

Monday

So I get up, and my phone service has been turned off. It's okay. I'll pay it Friday. I can live without my phone for a week. I don't mind. So I'm poor. At least it gets paid. I do my best to pay it on time, but sometimes, it doesn't get done. Not my fault. I am in no way shape or fashion sorry for myself. I work my ass off.

I have been watching Tarantino movies all day. First Pulp Fiction, then Jackie Brown. Resivior Dogs is next.

That's all I'm doing today. Unless I choose to go to CBA.

That's that. Any questions? comments?

email me.

Refreshed

I had a most relaxing weekend. Let me recap.

Friday: Although I didn't want to do anything, I ended up going upstairs to Nicole's, and getting drunk. It was a good drunk, because I didn't wake up with any sort of a hangover.

Saturday: Had an amazing shower, and I had a great day at work. After work, it was my first 9 hour shift in over a month, so I was tired. Scott Show wanted to get some coffee at gayHOP, so we went. It was fun. I wanted Scott and Eddie to come, but they didn't. Show drove. We were on our way home, and there was a jam, but it was good. I just wanted to watch Briget Jones's Diary. Well, I waited for Scott, Adam and Nicole to call me, while I entertained my roomates (who, by the way I am back to good terms with), and I actually had a good time with them. Ben and Rohan went somewhere, but I don't know where. I finally got a call from Show that they were ready to watch the movie, but since it was daylight savings, and already 2 in the morning, and I had work the next day. I went to bed, talking to Justin and Jim, helping them think of slogans for a company they are working for. I am good. I should go into marketing and advertising. Seriously.

Sunday (Palm Sunday) I got up, shaved, took a cab with Zaidy to work. She had things to tell me, so I rode with her, instead of rollerblading. I took my blades anyways. I had an awesome day at work, I sold alot, but something happend that made me sketchy, but I'll work that out. I rollerbladed home, and guess what was on TV? YES! None other than the TEN COMMANDMENTS. I totally forgot. It was amazing. I bonded yet again with my roomates, and had a wonderful dinner with them. Scott Show wanted me to go out with him, and althogh I did want to go, something told me I should stay with my roomies. Besides, I had to wait for Ben to get here anyways. He still hasn't showed up, but I'm not to let that bother me. Ben Shipp and I just spent an hour together in the hot tub, and the sauna, and got some bonding time there too. Yaay for that.

I am now about to take a shower, make a phone call or two, and go to bed.

This was a great weekend, filled with just relaxation.

I feel like I can start the week now.

Sharper Image!

i love sharper image! there is an ionic breeze commerical on the tele now. I am a tad bit intoxicated, something I did not want to be. at elsat I am still in my apartment building. i want ice cream. ice cream is good. i should peels. i mean sleep. hehehehehehehehehehehe. i hate hjehe. why isn't it haha. don't say hehe anymore. i thnk jake is hot. i was just talking to him online, and i said things i am going to regret in the morning. hehe. it is okk though. wow. i really am drunk. it is funny hitting the keys on the keyboard. i am typing like my mom, becuase me brain is moving slow. i have to work in the mornin!

fun times! i love my job! i got a new hat!!!!!

yay! i did not buy it though because i can't afford to buy one. but that is ok. one day i will be able to afford everything i want.

the following is a paid program announcement

that's what they said on the tele.

i should have a six pack

then maybe boys would like me, and i could finally have sex.

sex sex sex sex.

that is a funny work/

i mean word.

i want your sex
geroge michael. he is cool
i just gotta have faith
that i will have sex
and i like the 'return'
key
it is cool
because you can start
a new
line
.

just think if there was a
return
key
in
real
life
.

you could start over
when
e
v
e
r
you
wanted.


wouldn't that be

COOLIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

i miss NC.

and maya

i wrote her an email.

i love my life

but sometimes

it sucks.

but guess hwat/

you GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS!!!!!1

FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS FOREVER!!!!!!!!

ok.

sleepy time

when it's sleepy time down south

we sang thta in chorucs.

i sang in carnige hall

and you didn't

so there













ok. i am sleepy now.

What to do on a Friday

Okay. So I just got home from work, and besides the fact I am extremely hungry, I'm extremely tired. I just want to stay at home and watch Sex and the City, or some other movie, but that's not what my friends want to do. Granted, I don't work until 11 tomorrow, but that's besides the point. I don't want to drink, because I don't want to pay for alcohol. I don't want to go anywhere, because I don't want to make the treck back home tonight. I don't want to stay at anyone's house, because I'll have to get up straight from there, and go to work. I want to stay here in my apartment, and chill, but my roomates are going to be home all night. Nothing against my roomates, but sometimes, I wish they would get out more. I kind of want to chill out by myself, and a couple of friends. Maybe I'll go to my future house. That sounds more enticing than here. Hmm. I don't know. Shit. Whatever. This is one of those nights I wish I had a boyfriend, and just hang out with him all night, but I don't, and I have to entertain my friends, and pay for Ben. Okay. I didn't mean it like that. I don't have to entertain them, but they always call me for something to do. I love that they do that, but the nights when I only want to hang out with me, or one group of friends, I have to be in too many places at one time. Okay, I don't even know what I"m saying anymore, so I'm going to go. Disregard this post.

Ich bin hornig und ich wünsche Geschlecht

Amen.