Man. I am having some fun times. I am going crazy downloading some oldies. Man. I'm like crying over here. I know I have issues. But damn. I wish I could sing some crazy ballad like that. Man. No I think I just am love sick. You know I DL'd upbeat oldies too! But the love ones get to me. Haha. Man. I'll be up all night downloading songs. It's all good.

Yeah, so I'm just chillin, minding my own bizness, you know, talking online, and guess who calls?

Jason.

Yes I know. The guy I couldn't get over. The nice one that paid for everything, the tall one, who, whenever I saw a tall guy, he reminded me of him.

Well, I can say, that I'm over him. I mean I have been for a loooooong time, but I think he's too gay now, that he lives with Cindy. If people don't know he's gay now, then golly.

Haha. He's still awesome though. We talked for 27 minutes.

Enough about that. David comes home Sunday. David reminds me of Jason, but different. When I think about it, they are really similar.

OH my gosh, I can't believe I'm about to list how they are similar.

Height:
David is 6'1
Jason is 6'3

Eyes:
David: Green
Jason: Green

Smile:
David: Really nice
Jason: Really nice

Outness:
David: Out to friends only.
Jason: Out to friends only

Obsessions:
David: Don't really know yet
Jason: Justin Timberlake

Gayness:
David: Couldn't tell, well he got a manicure and pedicure
Jason: You can tell he's got a gay boy inside that wants to explode

Kisser:
They are both equal, I think, although I've kissed Jason more times, with David, it was a little more passionate i.e. Not in a car.

Transportation:
David Drives
Jason Drives

Fun Times
David: gotta hang with him more
Jason: a fungi

Laughs at me:
David: yes
Jason: yes

Will get along with my ACE dawgs:
David: Yeah, possibly, more so than Jason
Jason: Yeah, possibly

Movie Taste
David: More my style
Jason: Leans towards the romantic comedies


GUESSS WHAT I JUST FOUND OUT!?

I HAVE THE HOUSE TO MYSELF UNTIL TUESDAY!

Today. Y Tu Mama rocked, as always. Then Aesthetics. Well, I found out I did my paper wrong, and he didn't expect that of me, but he said he would give me until Tuesday to re-do it, because he wants to give me an A for the semester. His words exactly. Hell, I had a reall low B, without re-doing the paper, but hey, if he wants me to re-do it, I shall. We watched a kick ass movie, called The Celebration. Wow.

Then comes after Aesthetics. I sent like everyone a text message saying I was out of school. Fun times for all. Then, I talked to Trey, a guy in my D&P class (one of the not hot ones. He writes really well though), while waiting for Chris.

Chris came. I hung out with him. It was weird. I can almost absolutely say that the only thing we have in common is we're both not straight, and he's not sure of that. Please. He's gayer than gay. I cashed my check, and bought some movies.

I decided they would help me be happy.

25th Hour

Talk to Her

The Pianist.

Those movies rock cock.

Then we went out to dinner, Danielle, Josh, Zaidy, (girl whose name I don't remember), Chris, and I. Bar Louie. I wanted Italian. We didn't get it. I was kinda mad, but dinner was fun.

Then I was invited to an underwear party. I wasn't in the mood.

I'm now here, watching Edward Norton with Josh. I like him.

Edward, that is.

I'm also talking online to a few people.

I wonder what I'm doing tomorrow.

besides packing.

I know what I'm doing Sunday. Working. Then (so I pray hopefully) hanging out with David.

WOW. Last night was a little bit of fun times. I'm in the computer lab now, on break fro History of Cinema. We're about to watch Y TU MAMA! AHH! I am sooo excited. You have NO idea. Okay. So yesterday, I just had a great day. Nothing really super excellent happened, but it was just awesome! Yeah, so I came home from work, and went home. David talked to me online, and we dicided to go to his house and watch a movie. One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. It was awesome. We played a little footsies, and made out a little. Okay, a lot. Nothing more. 17 points for me. He's 20, 6'1, green eyes, adorable, and funny. He's got a fairly good taste in movies, although he likes Signs. He's going back to his home (an hour south of here) to see his sister graduate. Then he's coming back Saturday night. We're hanging out Sunday. OH Shee! I'm supposed to hang out with Scottie on Sunday! well... Okay. Back to class. More laters.

I AM IN AN EXCELLENT MOOD! I am about to go meet a guy named David. See ya later bye. This guy named Adam just walked in the door, and he's hot. Shit I should stay here. Hahah. I'll see Adam later.

OH shit.. I just became happy.


You are the Gummi Bears... *bounce bounce bounce*


What disney afternoon show are you?
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I LOVE THIS SHOW! AMEN


You are Duck Tales... *WOO-OOO*


What disney afternoon show are you?
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DUCKTALES.. MAN OH MAN


You are Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers... *mmm
cheesey*


What disney afternoon show are you?
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Ch ch ch chip and dale! That was the JAM!


You are Tailspin... you probably love the movie
'Jungle Book' too because you have a thing for
Baloo... common admit it.


What disney afternoon show are you?
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TALE SPIN. WHAT CAN I SAY?


You are darkwing duck... it's ok that you don't
have any REAL super powers, i won't tell.


What disney afternoon show are you?
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Even though I didn't like this show, I had to post it.

I just found out Cameron is doing bad in school..

Really bad.

It's my fault.

How could I not know!?

How could they not know!?

I'm supposed to be watching out for this.

I have to stay closer to him

Damn.

THEY ARE RE-PLAYING THE FINAL EPISODE OF DAWSON'S!!! WITH THE EMOTIONS I'M GOING THROUGH, I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE IT. DAMN. YOU KNOW I'M WATCHING IT THOUGH! IT'S ABOUT TO BE A CRY FEST!

This is from Alanna. I had to put it in my blog, so I'll have it forever. This girl is awesome.

Did you ever notice that everything is based on your own personal perspective? I think one of the biggest problems people have is that they hold others up to the light they see by and expect it all to make sense.

But it can't.

I can't see what you see because I haven't lived what you have lived.

Maybe the air even smells different to me.

Maybe rocky road ice cream reminds me of a park that I used to go to as a kid called Rocky Butte.

Maybe it reminds you of summer.

I found a quote my little sister wrote down the other day that really struck me.

"I kill spiders to save the butterflies."

There are atleast 3 perspectives on that.

We know two.

I guess no one asked the spider.

I just don't get it.

Christeyopgwe: How was class?
DelitaRemoved: exciting
Christeyopgwe: fun tiems
Christeyopgwe: !
Christeyopgwe: what's up for tonight?
DelitaRemoved: hudson coming for weekly dinner and tv
Christeyopgwe: sounds like fun
Christeyopgwe: so are you back on good terms?
DelitaRemoved: no
Christeyopgwe: oh.
Christeyopgwe: so do you pretend it's not there?
DelitaRemoved: i'm out for dinner, bye
DelitaRemoved: i dont like talking about it
Christeyopgwe: oh okay
Christeyopgwe: have a great night


WHAT DOES THIS MEAN! I MEAN SHIT!

If you are strugglin with someone, then you need to tell their ass. Fuck that shit man. I think I need to be the conselor. But I'm not going to be here long enough. Damn.

should I call him back?

OKay.

This is the email I sent Hudson, or soemthing along these lines

Hey man! What's up? Haven't heard from you in a while, just seeing what's up. I know, I sound like a loser, but you know, blah blah.

This is the message he left me:

"Hey Christopher, this is Hudson I just got your email, I appreciate your concern I cut my network with scissors b/c I was spending too much time online, that's the reason I haven't been around. hope everything is well with you, I"ll talk to you later on have a good day bye."

WTF?

RW still hasn't called me back. Haha. They probablly won't. It's all good. can't wait for the next casting call. :)

I think it's about time to forget Hudson. The process has started, and I think it'll be over soon, because I barely know him. It's better that way. Unless he calls me.

I missed Math today. Gotta turn in my final sometime. Haha.

Today, today, and today.

Shit

I found out more than I wanted to. Damn.

I hate boys.

I knew I would be hating them soon, it just takes time. Haha. No more crushes, period.

Shit I rock ass. Damn.

Christeyopgwe: are you bored?
DelitaRemoved: kinda poopy
Christeyopgwe: why is that?
DelitaRemoved: my best friend (the ass you says i'm not attracitve enuff) has done some more poopy stuff
Christeyopgwe: like what?
Christeyopgwe: what's this best friend's name?
DelitaRemoved: well, there is always his "i'm gay/I'mstraight" drama he drags me into
DelitaRemoved: his name is hudson
DelitaRemoved: tons of guys know him
DelitaRemoved: you probably do too
Christeyopgwe: why do you say that?
Christeyopgwe: so are you talking to him?
DelitaRemoved: cuz lots of guys know him
DelitaRemoved: i always talk to him
DelitaRemoved: this weekend he cut his internet cable cuz he was too weak to not talk to someone he shouldnt
DelitaRemoved: and he did so without considering how it affects our friendship
Christeyopgwe: who was this person?
Christeyopgwe: that sucks
DelitaRemoved: a guy in FL he was phone dating and leading on
Christeyopgwe: oh really?
Christeyopgwe: so he's not going to be online anymore?
DelitaRemoved: nope
DelitaRemoved: it was his pastor's advice
DelitaRemoved: asst pastor
DelitaRemoved: his pastor is his father
Christeyopgwe: I see

I knew he was keeping something from me.

I just got home from my Real World Audition. SHIT. Man. If they call me back, they will do so tonight, or tomorrow. I won't get my hopes up too high. I don't want to say that they'll call me, because that'll be being stuck up, but I don't want to say they won't, because that's having low self esteem. So how about I just say. It was a great audition, and I can't wait to do it next year, if I don't make it this year. It was a long ass wait, but I think it was worth it. I mean for some reason, I felt like I belonged there. Haha. I know. I have issues. Well, now I'll wait for the callback, if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesnt. no biggie.

OH MY GOSH! OKAY. SO I WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE ONLINE RIGHT, AND YEAH, HE'S A COOL GUY. HE GOES TO NORTHWESTERN, RIGHT? WELL WE ALL KNOW HUDSON GOES TO NU TOO. YEAH, SO A FEW DAYS AGO, WE (HUDSON AND I) WERE TALKING ABOUT MOVIES AND STUFF, AND WHAT PRODUCERS DO, ETC. AND HUDSON SAID ONE OF HIS GOOD FRIENDS GOES TO NU AND HE'S A SCREENWRITING MAJOR OR PRODUCTION SOMETHING, I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE CONVERSATION. WELL ANYWAYS, TURNS OUT I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO HIM THE WHOLE TIME. NOT HUDSON, BUT THE FRIEND.

WANNA KNOW HOW I FOUND OUT? WELL, WE ALL KNOW, THAT I'M A SUPER-SLEUTH, AND AT NORTHWESTERN, LIKE AT MOST BIG UNIVERSITIES, THEY HAVE A PUBWEB-TYPE SYSTEM. WELL, BOY WAS SENDING ME PICTURES OF HIMSELF, AND HE WAS GIVING ME THE PUBWEB LINKS. SO, OF COURSE, I'M GOING TO GO TO THE URL AND SEE WHAT I CAN GET BY TAKING OFF SOME OF THE PARTS OF THE ADDRESS. WELL, GUESS WHAT I GOT? HIS WHOLE PUBWEB DIRECTORY. OF COURSE, I LOOKED AT ALL OF HIS PICTURES, AND I FOUND SOME INTERESTING THINGS, AND HUDSON STUFF TOO! IT LOOKS LIKE HE HAS A SLIGHT CRUSH ON HIM. WHO DOESN'T? DAMN I'M GOOD.

SO ALL I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT NOW IS HOW TO GET INTO THE WHOLE PUBWEB SYSTEM. IT'S NOT THAT HARD, BECAUSE I BROKE THOUGH IN A COUPLE OF OTHER SCHOOLS BEFORE, AND COULD LOOK UP ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE SCHOOL, THEIR PERSONAL STUFF, GRADES, ETC. NORTHWESTERN'S WILL BE KINDA HARD TO CRACK THOUGH. I SHOULD JUST ASK OLIVIA OR LAURA FOR THEIR PASSWORDS.THIS IS WHAT'S EVEN HOTTER...

IT'S NON-TRACEABLE!

Hahaha. this is post number like 500001 today, but I just read all of today's posts, and it sounds like I'm a damn crazed psycho. I must have me some MPD. Multiple Personality Disorder.

I know, I have posted about 50000 times today, but hey, I was bored at work, and now that I am back chillin in the houstyle, I must say some tings I have noticed. People (especially including myself) stress about too much of the WRONG things.

I can't help it.

Laura is right. I need to take a chill pill or seven.

I think more like 15.

I mean it's easy. If Hudson likes me, then more power to me. If he doesn't, it's not my fault. So stop stressing. He's in law school. He's a busy bee. It's one phone call he hasn't returned. That doesn't mean anything, and if it does, then hey, nothing I can do about it. I can be friends, and move on.

BUT HE'S SO AWESOME!

ha. it's things like that which give me issues.

I'm about to eat my first hot dog in 2 years. HOLLER. I'm not really a vegetarian anymore. I mean yes, I stick to being one, but when I am craving meat, I decided it's stupid to not eat it. I mean I've been a vegetarian for three years. Now I can be a healthy omnivore. Right? Right. I still don't eat any cow. Robin Cook has scared me forever.

Wow. My blog is almost a year old. I just copied and pasted every entry into Word, just to see how long it is. Same font size and everything. 7.5 Vernanda. 170 pages. 170. That's alot of stuff. Who wants to read 170 pages worth of stuff? Haha. I do. I think my life is interesting. Yaay for it. I am so excited to go home though. I'm hungry. It's 6:10. 3 hours and 50 minutes. Can I make it? or should I cop out and order pizza? I think I should try to take it. I mean I don't want to spend money

225 west ontario

Real World Auditions. Be there. No don't be there. So I will get in. ha. I will make this show before I'm 24.

I was up waay too late last night. Doing something I don't know if I should have been doing or not. I mean if I'm supposed to be crushing one guy, is it wrong to "lead" another guy on? Well I don't know if I'm leading him on, he's kinda leading me on too. How about I just stop liking boys all together. Haha. Damn. I am too much for myself.

Yeah, I'm at work right? Well, I was bored, so I decided to go to a games site to play family feud. Well, this is what happened.

This is what I typed

This is where I meant to go


Mistake. BIG mistake. Just one letter gets one sites he doesn't want. Not Kosher.

Switzerland -
A neutral power for as long as most can remember,
it has avoided war for several centuries.
However, it is still considered highly advanced
and a global power.


Positives:

Judicial.

Neutrality.

World-Renouned.

Powerful without Force.

Makes Excellent Watches, Etc.


Negatives:

Target of Ridicule.

Constant Struggle to Avoid Conflict.

Target of Criminal Bank Accounts.



Which Country of the World are You?
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I wanted Germany or some other cool country, but Switzerland rocks cock. I plan on having a bank account or three there. And skiing. Oh yes, and one must not forget the hot guys.

by yet, in the last post means yet as in 'I want to have your kids' all he said was that I was awesome. I know that. ahah.. kidding. I am just saying that to have a crush is to have your mind filled with thoughts of love and hearts and all that good stuff, only to one day it all be crushed. Hopefully, in my case that won't happen, but come on now, we are talking about me. Mr. I-know-all-about-relationships-but-I-can't-keep-one-or-even-get-one-Man. haha. I am funny. At least I crack myself up.

Crushes suck ass. Never have them. I mean they take up too much time, to get all lovey dovey over someone. I'm setting myself up for a let down. I know it, and I still can't stop crushing over this boy. AHH! He hasn't said anything yet to me, so I'm not upset, I'm just stupid for having a damn crush.

Yaay for work. It's slow! Fun times for that. I just want to post the results of my expiriment. I should type them up or something.

# of guys that talked to me: 48
# of times my profile was viewed (in 6 days) 415 (that's alot)
# of guys who continued to talk to me after I reaveled to them what was up to: 8
# of guys who stopped talking to me after a week after the above: 4
# of people I have met: 2
# of people I have talked to on the phone before I told them: 6
# of people I have talked on the phone with and they know: 3
# of people who have IMed me since I changed my profile: 2
# of people I IMed to purposfully decieve: 1 (That was Tom)

Reactions that I got:
"I'm not interested in black guys"
"bye"
"why did you do that?"
"You're mean, evil and deceiving"
"And I was beginning to like you"
"wow, your real picture is hotter than the fake one"
"you changed the way I view people now, I mean I've been talking to you this whole time, and I was liking you, not of what you looked like, but your personality. I usually don't even look at black guys, but now I won't write someone off as soon as I meet them or block them"
"oh. cute" (then they block me. I know they block me, because I am the ruler of the online world, and I switch screen names to see)
"people suck, people are evil and wicket *wicked"
"oh, so I can talk ghetto to you now"
"I'm very surprised"
"why didn't you tell me when I said that I thought you were cute" (that was a bas mistake on my end)
"I don't base who I talk to on what they look like"
"don't you think it's rather deceving to talk to someone under a different name? Well I think it's rude, childish, and stupid. Have a nice life" (I will thank you very much)

and more, but I don't want to get them from out of my computer (which is at the apartment) to post them

So, basically saying, most online guys (with rare and amazing exceptions) suck ass in a bad way.

It's all good though. I learned alot, and I thought it was fun. Damn Fun. I want to do it again, but for longer. And maybe the next time I'll do it just for sex, and see what kind of in person reaction I get. Wow. That would be extremely fun. *ponders for a bit* sounds like a project for next year. Oh of course I won't have sex with them.

That's it

Oh my gosh. Damn. I don't think I can go back to North Carolina without regretting it. I mean shit. After meeting Hudson. Wow. I want to stay and spend every waking moment with him.

WOW.

I mean I know I jump to conclusions waay too soon, but shit. I have already had fucking DREAMS about this motherfucker. SHIT. not a motherfucker, a Christopherfucker. Damn.

I should stop cursing. No more

Wow that party last night. Talk about hotness. I can't wait to come back here already. I mean for real. Wow. Wow. AHH! I can't talk.

I am totally not interested in any other boy (well Russ, but he doesn't count)

Ryan cut his hair. He should not cut his hair.

SHIT.

haha I said I was going to stop talking. I mean cursing.

I have issues. WHO CRUSHES ON SOMEONE LIKE I DO?!?!?!?!? I mean AH. I have incredible amounts of issues. Times 5646574654.

Night. I'm back with the posting.

One of these days I am going to sit down and break down my shit to the world on this blog, but I haven't had the time. Well, I have, but I don't think I have. I do know that my ass needs to go shopping, becuase I have a party to attend tonight, and I hope to look dapper. AMEN. I need to go check out some sales or something. Peacies

Shit I just gave his information to the whole world

HUDSON JUST INVITED ME TO A PARTY!

DpthPerceptnBoyH: what are you doing friday night? i'm throwing a party at my best friend's apartment in wrigleyville
Christeyopgwe: I am doing a whole lot of nothing
DpthPerceptnBoyH: well, grab a friend and show up. it's at 11:30 ish at 3514 N. Wilton, a 45 second walk from the Red Line
DpthPerceptnBoyH: Addison stop
Christeyopgwe: seriously?
Christeyopgwe: and say Hudson invited me?
DpthPerceptnBoyH: sure! given that it's my party (and my best friend mike's, but equally)
Christeyopgwe: excellent
DpthPerceptnBoyH: i will be wearing white short-sleeve button-down with little red things on it
DpthPerceptnBoyH: cell: 815.919.7981
Christeyopgwe: I'll be there
DpthPerceptnBoyH: cool. bring something to drink if you want, but we will have plenty there
Christeyopgwe: coolness

Preach it Maya. Shit.

Phonecall to Christopher ... $0.01/minute
Internet Connection .......... $25/month
Computer ......................... $2500

Finding Matt Carter on hotornot.com...... PRICELESS

Hey

I am done wtih my test. I'll put the results later. Sorry for not posting. I have been crazy, and not feeling like it.

I met a guy JP. He's cute, but we'll just be friends. I don't like him like that.

I do like Hudson. He doesn't like me like that though

That's 'bout it from the online guys.

It's too late to find a bf in CHI-town.

I'm going home this summer.

YAAY!

Matt Carter.

Lots to say! Don't feel like saying it though.


I JUST WON A FREE VANILLA COKE! YAAY! I'm addicted to that shit.

This is needed





How Does *Your* Dick Rate?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

PlaysHigh: "Jake Imed me. It was great. I toyed with him. He figured it out"
PlaysHigh: psh, I totally read your journal first

Okay, okay, so he toyed with me. Who cares :)~

Wow. MY little experiment is going waay better than I planned. Oh my gosh. 13 guys have IMed me. I have three of their numbers, and one of them called me. I told three people about it.

Ted. I feel really bad about him, because he was acutally a really cool guy. I could tell he was surprised. He's never going to talk to me again.

Dustin. Was totally about to call me all night, until I showed him my real picture. That's totally cool though.

Frank. Talked to him online for three hours online. totally cool, and with the new picture. he's a cool guy.

The rest. Most are flakes.

Jake Imed me. It was great. I toyed with him. He figured it out

This is going to work out great. The thing is, I'm totally not lying to any of these people! It's so great. It's the same exact personality. True, they think I'm the other guy, but I never said it was me. All their fault.

Superficialiaty. This rocks.

Okay I reallly have to write my paper now.

Amazing. Fucking Amazing Dawsons.

I LOVE YOU DAWSON'S!

THANK YOU.

WOW.

Okay, I was feeling down, just a tad, so I decided to be really mean and devilish.

I was on xy.com. I vowed I would never go there again, and I noticed that I was becoming like everyone else, and only looking at guys for thier pictures. So, I thought.. What if I put a hot (or even semi-hot guy) up there, created a new AIM screen name, and had a good profile, how many guys would IM me? Well, my profile has been posted for 10 minutes, and 2 guys have already IMed me. I would get an average of to a MONTH with my normal people. Shows how shallow people are. I think it's great.

I here's the link
xy.com new me

The picture is totally Steve Burns. Yes, the Blue's Clues guy. OH my gosh. I am having too much fun. I am totally this other guy! It's going to be even better when people who have rejected my old profile begin to talk to me!!!!!

AHHH!!!! this is AWESOME!

I don't know what to say. Today is the series finale of Dawson's. It's all I can think about. Everything going on in the world, and I am here sulking over Dawsons. I'm crying just thinking about it. I am about to finish Center Stage. It'll pick me up until 7.

Yeah, so Dave Eggers is "sick". Damnit. I can't get my book signed. Hopefully, he'll come back sometime. I pray he does. That would rawck. Allrightythen. It's time to put on my "eating dress" as Margaret Cho calls it.

I had a good day today (Monday) well I think I did at least. I went to work, and hung out with Justin and Josh all night. We were just shootin the shit. I love straight friends. Tomorrow, tomorrow. What a day that will be. I have to find a way to write four treatments, call my dad, go get money, buy Equlibrium, get a part of a present for someone, go out to E-town (that's Evanston), and then see D.E. OH yeah. And sleep. But for now, I think sleep is going to be beneficial to my health, becasue class is in four hours. I can't wait to come home this summer. I think I am going home this summer. I'm 89% sure. I have officially stopped looking for a boyfriend. Takes too much of my time, and hey, I'll let him come to me. I have other things I need to concentrate on. AMEN. What else? I need to start writing more meaningful stuff.

Pop up ads are funny. So is MTV News. 10 to the hour, every hour. It's funny, because it's not really news, because they rotate between four different clips. Ha.

Maybe I should Volunteer to work for John Edwards this summer. No, not just because he's hot.

I should call my dad tomorrow, but I'm tired of hearing him bitch about how much life sucks every time I call him. I wish there was some way he could just get a life, and become happy. It's really depressing.

I am now going to sleep, at Josh's, because I gotta wake up Grant in the morning. And they have cereal, something of which I don't. haha. Night night.

I totally meant to put my conversations from online on my other blog last night, but guess who called?

Russ.

He hasn't called in like a month. Wowsers. We had our usual million hour talk. Three and a half hours it was last night. It was awesome. AS usual.

My phone is turned off. That's weird as fuck. I went today, but there were too many people, but I got a little ticket for half off my next month's phone bill.

I can't call my dad, because I don't have a phone.

I emailed him.

I SEE DAVID EGGERS TOMORROW!

Yeah I totally didn't say anything about my brother's birthday. LOVE YOU CAMERON! i know he doesn't read this, but I love him anyways. He's my brother. And my ACE

Happy Mother's day.

I drank last night. Brandy smells.

There's some kind of thing going on today downtown, because it's waay too early for people to be awake, and for the past 40 minutes or so, tons of people have been walking to this area. Hmm..

I'm at work. Of course.

I got one hour of sleep.

I'm not too tired.

Rachel gave me caffiene pills. I don't think I'm going to take them. I'm too scared.

I found out what's going on. There's a Race for the Cure thing. in Grant park (that's a block away). Breast Cancer. Go them. They have more balls than me, because it is too windy, and rainy to be running/walking/jogging/whatever.

A hot guy told me what was going on. Okay, he's not HOT, but he's a tad older, and he's got awesome hair, and really nice eyes. He's quite handsome. Since Dawn is in the back, it'll give me a chance to flirt. I should go make him coffee.

I don't know what I'm doing the rest of the day. Oh yes, I do, sleeping.

I realized today that when I grow old, I'm going to ba an old gay man. No old woman next to me. Well, knowing me, I'll probablly have an old woman next to me, because I always have women around me. They are much better company than men.

I just saw X2. I needed that movie. I forgot all about my mutant power. I need to go kick some human ass. I can't reveal my power, because it's that secret, and too many people (I trust them, but I can't trust them with this information) read this blog. Sorry guys. Believe me. You'll know when my power in unleashed what it is.

This is so incredibly gay. But I am listening to Mariah Carey right now. I must say I will make it through the rain. Sing it girl. Even though she should have come out with this song when she was good, it still rocks.

I Can Make it Through the Rain
When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
And if you keep falling down don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

I can make it through the rain
And I live once again
And I live one more day
And I can make it through the rain
(Yes you can)
You will make it through the rain

okay. I just need to go down on record. I won't date anyone. I hate people. Haha. That's ghetto, I know, but you just don't go there. what Tom said. I mean I don't disagree with Tom, but golly he's only the 700th guy to tell me the same thing. Ya know?

Also, I have decided, that unless someone is one of my close friends, I'm not going to IM them first.

I just finished watching Personal Velocity I love that movie. After the movie, I couldn't think of anything more than emailing Russ. That's extremely weird. Here's the email. I felt I should save it for some reason.

To: Russ
Subject: Personal Velocity

How's it going man? I have a feeling this email is going to be incredibly long for some reason, so bear with me, and please don't think I'm any weirder than you already think I do. It was great to get your email the other day. Sorry for taking to long to respond. I have been despondent lately.

Have you ever seen the movie Personal Velocity? If you haven't, I highly reccomend it. I just finished it. Twice. In a row. I had seen it once before in the theater, when it first came out. It's a film by Rebecca Miller, who wrote the screenplay, and it's based on her book. Amazing. Everything about that movie to me, puts life in perspective. It tells the stories of three women and their "coming of age". It's not really a coming of age flick parsay, one, it's not a teen angst movie which involves a guy who runs away, and having sex with an older girl (not that all coming of age stories involve those scenarios, but you know what I mean, and if you don't, I'll explain it someday). back to my original thought. The movie follows three girls and how they came to be where they are now. The meaning behind the film is how everyone comes into their own at thier own time. The culmination of events in one's life brings change and realizations unknown until one specific point in thier life. God, it's amazing. It makes me want to go out in the world and try to expierience everything and go into a room by myself and cry, all at the same time.

I had a kind of shitty day today, and I bought this movie (among others) because buying movies make me feel better. Usually, just purchasing the movies puts me in a good mood, but it didn't today, until I watched Personal Velocity.

I don't even know why I'm writing you of all people, not that it's a good or bad thing, I was just at the comptuer, and you were the first person who came to mind (you should feel special). I don't know why, but yeah. I'm just in a weird ass reflecting type mood. I feel like it's been years since we have shared a conversation. This week has been so interesting for me. A girl who used to be extremely close to me, but then we grew far far apart (beacuse she was a hinder to my well-being), well, we started talking this week. I miss talking with her. We're going to be friends. Not as close as we used to, but friends. Speaking of which, all of my friends from NC have called me this week. I am usually the one who calls them, but they all called me this weel. That made me feel happy. Maybe I should go home this summer. I'm such a freak.

I am now sitting in Grant's apartment. Grant is a guy who is my friend, but I don't feel close to him. I won't let myself, because he doesn't listen, and I hate that. Over the last few weeks I have realized that alot of people don't listen. Why?

There's more drama with Ben. More about that later. I don't feel like bring that situation into my mind right now.

I want to stay here this summer incredibly bad.

Okay. I think you have enough to read. Not that I don't have more to say, but I feel I'm rambling, and I don't want to bore you with the details of my crazy life.

Yaay for 8 o'clock classes!

I'll talk to you later!

~Christopher (or Christophe as Colin says)


Interesting huh?
That's it. I'm going to go to bed now. I have class in 4 hours and 23 minutes. Night night

I have to go so grant can use this computer. his ghetto ass gay life. He has no consideration for others. okay. bye

Then I hate it when people ask me. What are you going to do?

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!!!!!!!!! SHIT! I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD IS ON MY SHOULDERS.

I don't even know what to say. What the fuck is up with my life? Sometimes I feel that everyone else has such great lives, and mine continues to suck. I can't even explain. Sometimes I feel that I'm always complaining, when I know I don't complain. Only to my blog. Shit. I can't even say what I want to in my blog, because I can't even formulate my thoughts.

I created a new blog

Hahah! I am so funny I amaze myself. Okay, so this morning I got up all early for psyc. I smelled, but I figured I'd take my shower after class. I had a blow pop to keep myself awake (I didn't really need it, because I am full of energy today, very upbeat), and went to grab something to drink. I rode the elevator with a prety cute guy, and we talked for ten floors (that's where my class is) then I got off, and went to class. We took the teacher assesment (everyone has to take them for each class once a semester) and then class started. We talked about Bandura, and Albert Ellis today. Then, after class, I went to the bathroom, because I had to pee. Of course, like many bathrooms, there's a mirror. I glanced at myself because I hadn't looked in one all morning, and I noticed my sweater was on backwards! Here's the kicker. Not only was it on backwards, but it was INSIDE OUT! HAHAHAH! Oh shit! I was laughing at myself! No one noticed, and if they did, they didn't say anything. I'm thinking that's why cute guy talked to me, because he had his shirt on backwards too! i wasn't even trying to make a statement, it was just on wrong! I didn't turn it around, because that would mean I didn't notice when I woke up, and I have to make it at least look intentional. so, as I write this, I am wearing my sweater inside out and backwards. It looks kinda cool if you ask me. I'm going to start a new trend. I mean damn. I can totally pull this look off if you ask me.

Today is going to be a good day. I'll make it a good day if I have to damnit.

I"m talking to Carey. This is weird. It was supposed to be Jenn.

I'm going to hang out with Tom tomorrow. I'm excited. We're having lunch, then whatever. I have to write my treatments sometime tomorrow. I'll write them after Psyc, then go take a shower, shave, then get on the "L". Fun times for all.

Wanna know what's sad? When your friends are ignoring your phone calls and you know it. Some friggin friends. I don't even ignore Ben's phone calls, when everyone else does. Damn. I wonder what beef they have with me. I wish they would tell me, because this shit doesn't fly. I am nothing but nice to them.

I just screwed up royally. So these customers were totally using my green card (that's what every co-worker gets.. it's an override card that doesn't chrge anything) and a customer was using a computer with it, and I totally went to pull my drawer without ringing them out. It wasn't a whole lot of money lost, but golly gee willikers. You just don't do that. I damn. more laters. gotta get off

This is me and Crystal's song from like 5th grade: I need to post it, because it makes me happy.

I love you Always Forever by Donna Lewis

Feels like I'm standing in a timeless dream
Of light mists of pale amber rose
Feels like I'm lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent
Touching, discovering you

Those days of warm rains come rushing back to me
Miles of windless summer night air
Secret moments shared in the heat of the afternoon
Out of the stillness soft spoken words

Say say it again
I love you always forever
Near and far closer together
Everywhere I will be with you
Everything I will do for you

I love you always forever
Near and far closer together
Everywhere I will be with you
Everything I will do for you

You've got the most unbelievable blue eyes I've ever seen
You've got me almost melting away
As we lay there under a blue sky with pure white stars
Exotic sweetness a magical time

Say say it again
I love you always forever
Near and far closer together
Everywhere I will be with you
Everything I will do for you
I love you always forever
Near and far closer together
Everywhere I will be with you
Everything I will do for you

Say you'll love love me forever
Never stop never whatever
Near and far and always and everywhere and every
Say you'll love love me forever
Never stop never whatever
Near and far and always and everywhere and every
Say you'll love love me forever
Never stop never whatever
Near and far and always and everywhere and every
Say you'll love love me forever
Never stop never whatever
Near and far and always and everywhere and everything

I love you always forever
Near and far closer together
Everywhere I will be with you
Everything I will do for you
I love you always forever
Near and far closer together
Everywhere I will be with you
Everything I will do for you
I love you always forever
Near and far closer together
Everywhere I will be with you
Everything I will do for you

I just read Alanna's Blog. I would listen to her. I love listening to people. I really do. I mean it seems that everywhere I go, I'm the listener, because people are too fucking selfish. I mean I know I'm selfish too, everyone is, but that's not the point. Like my (gay) friends. They totally DON'T listen to each other. It's actually very very disturbing. Take Grant for an instance. You could pour out your life story to him, and he wouldn't hear a word of it, but when you said something that made him think of anything pertaining to his life, he would chime in his two cents, totally unrelated to anything. Then he would go off into space. I remember a conversation we had. It went seriously to an effect like this:

(ME) "Yeah, so sometimes my dad gets a little crazy, like he's bipolar or something, but he can change moods very quickly, on a moments notice"
(HIM) "Yeah, oh really? I know what you mean. Like today I was totally in the mood to wear a sweater, but I decided not to. I went outside, and it totally changed my mind."

I stopped there. He was about to hear my whole story, you know the family one, but it was then, I decided against it. No one here knows it. That's weird. That's probabally why I don't feel incredibly close to anyone here, but Laura and Olivia. We have bonded on different levels.

I have noticed. The extent of my conversations with my gay friends consist of the following:

guys and sex.

That's really depressing. I hate that. There's fucking so much more to life.

I like Scott, because he can make me laugh, becuase he is so incredibly sarchastic, but still, he's not someone I can tell things to. I know that. Some things you just know about people.

Eddie is such a bubble, but he can not keep a secret for the world. I mean damn. It makes me laugh, because I don't even say anything, and he'll just spill his guts, knowing I won't tell anyone, but still.

Ben is just so selfish, I can't trust him in the first place, and he's my roommate.

Corey is so incredibly shallow and materialistic, and he knows it, but damn. More than any other gay person. I can talk to Corey though. He is very smart, but he appears as the biggest ditz you will ever meet. Corey is smarter than people give him credit for.

They all talk about each other like damn cats. I have to rectify the situation sometimes, because it can get out of hand.

I just went down like the whole list. There are more people, but I don't feel like listing everyone. I'm too lazy. I already said Dan.

Laura and Olivia are just so awesome it's scary.

I want to go to the movies. I'll ask Tom if he wants to go. I have noticed that the only person I'll be able to watch art movies with is Dan Jackman.

Just so you know, whenever I say Dan, it means Dan Rymer. Unless I say Dan Jackman, then it's Dan Rymer. I should refer to Dan J. as Alloicious, because he does like to go by that.

Oh yes, this is why Dan Rymer and I are on the same level. We both understnad that friendship is very simple. It basically consists on a series of conversations. That's it. How freakin' simple.

This is kinda cuteness. Boogey Down!

I may have found a place to stay this summer, if I need to. I don't know. I gotta talk it over with my everyone. I called Alanna yesterday! Aww I miss them sooo much. Yesterday. Everyone was crying at About Face. Why? I don't know. Yes, it was the last workshop, but it didn't make any sense. They are all doing the show. Come on now. There is nothing sad about that. Please. I don't think I like Ryan anymore. Please. Yes I do, but I think I like Tom too. Gotta hang with him more. Tom has more potential than Ryan, I think. My mind is a whirling dervish right now. Olivia really likes Tom, and she said I should see what happens with him. I trust Olivia. She would tell me if someone or something was a bad idea. I have decided Dan is a real friend. Why, I don't know. Dan's friggin awesome. We think the same sometimes. I'm at work by the way. Listening to 70's Jamz. Talk about hotness.

I want to go shopping today. Not real shopping, just for some DVD's or something. And a jacket. I'll go with Sarah or Ben (non roomie) or Josh. I likes them. Me likes them alot.

I am mad I have to segregate my friends. I don't do it, they do it themselves, but hey. I don't see them as gay or straight. They just don't hang out with the other 'gays' like they hang out with me.

OH YES! I went to a punk rock show last night. Oh my gosh. Talk about weirded out. I was the only black person there, and I was totally out of place. I all had on my J.Crew sweatshirt with a collar underneath, and they were wearing "Streetbrats" or some other band I have never heard of, british punk jackets, TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT pants, and huge shoes. It was quite the expirence.

How come I can't get a boyfriend?

Ahh... I'm at the Crib. The NU crib. Chillin with my ho's. I am HONGRY as fuck. We're (well Laura) is cutting Olivia's hair. it looks good, but I think I could do better. Haha. I need to get some eats before I die, and that's the truth. Amen.

You know what? I actually had a good time last night. I was evaluating it, and I was thinking.. it really wasn't bad at all.. Tom is a cool guy, we'll go out more, I'm sure. I met a guy from UIC who is kinda cute, but too, ya know. Ryan was there. I didn't tell you about my dream which involved Ryan. Let me tell you really quick:

Ryan: So we were at some party of some sort, and Ryan looks at me, and says "I need to talk to you." I wasn't really phased by that, because you know, he's my friend, and friends talk. No biggie. So we get to another room, which is fairly secluded, and he spills it. He says "I have liked you since About Face started, and I did have that rule of not to date anyone from the ensamble, but I decided that was stupid, and it's hindering me from what I really want.. that's you." You know I about died. Wow. That was fun times. Hoo ah! Then we made out. For a long time. Boy, if dreams came true...

Then I went to Clark's, and fun times were had with Dan, Olivia, and Rohan. Stayed too late at Clark's. Then I went to Sarah's house, and chilled there, and tried to write my paper. It eventually got done (at 7:10 this morning.. I couldn't write it until everyone went to sleep). I then took a short nap, and came to El Kink's to print my paper. Then to class, where I slept. Now I'm at workus. 5 more hours. Then to EVANSTON to see my girls, and hopefully some guys. You know. Fun times. Oh yes. Tom emailed me, and it was a really sweet email. I was like "awww" it was cuteness. In most cases I would post the email, and comment on it, but I'll keep that private, because Tom found this site, and reads my blog. I'm okay with anyone else reading it, but I don't want to be like Jason.. If you know what I mean... But who says I feel like Jason does? I don't know, so how about I shut up.

Evanston tonight! Last workshop at About Face tomorrow. What am I going to do about Ryan? Now I want to stay this summer. I have issues. Oh lordy.

Oh yeah, it's MAY!

Three Quizzes to get us started...


I'm just a cool person. People like me.


Why do people read your Livejournal?
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Innocent


What's your sexual appeal?
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Paul


What Rules of Attraction Character are you?
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Okay I am pathetic. I really need to do my paper. I only have 2 hours before my "date" and I have barely started. I'll be up all night for sure. I already know it. Sad times, but that's okay.

Hey! Tonight was awesome. Wow. I'm still awake!

Well we (Josh, Ben (not my roommate), Sarah and I) were bored, so we decided to go get some board games. It was awesome! It was STORMING outside, and we didn't have umbrellas, so we walked in the rain to the store, went to the store, cut the fuck up, and bought our shit. Then we walked back. It took like a whole hour to walk back. It was aweosme. We were SOAKING wet. It was great. Then we changed into sweats, and played Candy Land, and Monopoly. Wow. Talk about a great ngiht. I am truly happy now.

I need to write my paper. Ha.

I go on my "half date" tomorrow I hope to have fun times!